There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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