The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
