I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You can't special order awesome
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
