You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
