I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
