She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
