i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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