So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
