Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
