dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
