i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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