Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
