just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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