that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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