I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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