hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
