what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
