my vag is so smooth its legendary
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize