PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
