There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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