I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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