Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
