she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
