Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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