Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Randomize
