She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
