ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
