so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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