so that wasnt chicken after all
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
