not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
