You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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