Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize