Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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