she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
