Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
