Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize