i was born a porn star she said
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
