Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
