My hair reeks of homosexuality.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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