Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
