Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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