i think my mom watched the whole time
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She bit a glass in half.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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