dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
