drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
