I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
