I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
