is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
