Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
