I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
