You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
