I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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