as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
