I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Randomize
