you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
