I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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