So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
she pinky promised me she was 18
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize