Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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