.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
