Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Randomize
