I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
