Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
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