wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
