Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
