She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
