those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Randomize
